Husband & Wife for Life: Satisfaction

In this series of lessons, we have emphasized several things, including:

  1. The ownership of marriage--husband and wife own each other in a special way,
  2. The importance of following God's laws for a solid marriage relationship,
  3. How to resolve conflict in marriage,
  4. The position and influence of a wife in marriage; namely, to submit to her husband and to be his helper perfectly suited for him in all ways, and
  5. The responsibility of a husband to love his wife and dwell with her according to knowledge, giving her the affection that she needs and deserves.

There is one other aspect of marriage that I want to address--sexual satisfaction. Clearly, this is a lesson for married folks. It is not intended for singles or teenagers. That's not to say that they cannot learn from it, but the application of this lesson is strictly for married people. I will not try to offend you with the content of this lesson, but I intend to speak the truth of God's word on this subject in a plain and relevant way.

The Scriptures state that man and woman should have satisfaction in marriage. Consider Proverbs 5:18,19 - "Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love." Remember, this chapter is about encouraging young men to stay away from immoral women. They'll pull you down to hell! But, there is great beauty in a man having his own wife. God wants a man to be intoxicated or enraptured with his wife. This relates to the sexual intimacy of marriage.

If you polled 100 men and had them list their three most important needs in marriage, almost without fail all of them would put sex in the top three. Many would put it in the top two, and some would even list it first. Sexual satisfaction in marriage is very, very important to men. Wives, do you know this? I suspect you do. But, are you acting accordingly? God made Eve to be perfectly suited for Adam in every way--including sexually. God has given men a strong, almost unexplainable, desire for sexual intimacy. It's been that way from the beginning, and God knew that it was good. A man's sexual drive is God-given.

God has said two basic things to men on this subject: (1) Husbands, you may only have eyes for your wife (cf. Matt. 5:28), and (2) A husband has the right to expect his wife to fully satisfy his sexual needs (cf. I Cor. 7:1ff). For a husband to lust after another woman is sinful, but for the wife to deprive him is also sinful! Women, you spell respect for your husband when you appreciate and fulfill his natural sexual urges. You're perfectly suited to do it, and you must fulfill this duty. If you fail to fulfill his appetite, you're asking for trouble. You may unknowingly make it more difficult for him to have eyes only for you, as God expects him to!

I believe that Proverbs 5:19, although brief, is the best treatment in all of God's word regarding sexual intimacy in marriage. It's a power-packed verse. In fact, it's an outline waiting to be expounded upon. Let's do that very thing at this time by emphasizing different words one at a time.

1. Let HER breasts satisfy you at all times.
It's got to be her, not another woman. A man is not to find satisfaction in a prostitute or through pornography or by going to the beach to gawk at those clad in bikinis. Men, consider this a prohibition against finding satisfaction in other women's breasts! Let your wife's breasts satisfy you and you alone. Wives, are you trying to be the one that satisfies your husband?

I've been told that pornography is as addictive as cocaine; it is mind-altering. You cannot participate in it and walk away unscathed. People deceive themselves. I've known a couple preachers personally whose ministries have been extensively damaged because of porn. I personally know of at least two other Christian men who have struggled and perhaps continue to struggle with pornographic addictions. A preacher might be inclined to think: "Well, I'm more spiritual and I can dabble in this a bit and I won't be hurt. It's okay for me pull the sites up once in a while." Or perhaps a Christian man might think: "I'm not committing adultery and I'm not hurting anyone by doing this, so it's not that bad." Friends, don't deceive yourselves! Pornography causes men to lust after others in their heart. Also, God's intent is for a man's wife to satisfy him--not someone else's wife! Let her breasts satisfy you!

If any men listening to or reading this lesson participate in porn (whether sporadically or regularly), they need to decide right now that they're going to quit it cold turkey. Make a vow to yourself that you're not going to view it again--period! How can you overcome this addiction? Perhaps the best way is to set up a system of accountability. Share your problem with someone you trust--someone close to you (perhaps your spouse or a good friend). Request that they ask you the same question every day for the next year: "Have you violated your vow?" They must ask you that question every 24 hours, either on the phone or in person. If nothing else keeps you from pornography, let their questioning you everyday keep you from it. You want to be able to honestly tell them that you are staying clean! You don't want to shame yourself in an additional way by lying.

2. Let her BREASTS satisfy you at all times.
The wife's breasts (or her body in general) should fill her husband with delight at all times. Notice that there is no corresponding point in the Scriptures for women. Nowhere will you read: "Let his chest satisfy you at all times." Why not? Because women are not visually oriented like men are. A beautiful face or a shapely figure stimulates men, but it's not the same with women. She may enjoy his chest, but it is highly unlikely that she will enjoy his chest even one-tenth as much as he enjoys her breasts. Why is that? Because God put a desire in many men for women's breasts. That's all I can say! Men and women are different--He made us different. Why? Because He is all-wise.

When a wife gets out of a shower, her husband can't keep his eyes off her. He's mesmerized. He's oblivious to anything else. He focuses on his wife and her body. It's just not the same way for the women. When they see their husband get out of the shower, they're more likely to say, "You're getting water all over the floor, please get on the mat," than they are to be visually enticed by him. Men and women are different! This is no accident. God made us different, and He knew what He was doing.

Men, it is not perverted for you to be attracted to your wife's body! Women, it is not perverted for him to be strongly attracted to your body! He didn't wake up one day and decide he wanted to be attracted to your body. God put that desire in the sons of Adam! Women will never understand a man's visual drive, but they must accept it and act accordingly. Because of the way men are visually-oriented, women need to put forth extra effort to dress modestly. It's difficult enough for men to keep their thoughts pure without women flashing stomachs, cleavage, and wearing clothing that accentuates their curves. Women, your breasts are only for your husband's satisfaction--not for anyone else!

Glenn Colley, the preacher from whom much of the material in this series is based, shared an interesting illustration on this subject in one of his presentations. He knew of a preacher who believed that modesty really wasn't that big of a deal. He believed that modesty was strictly cultural. In certain periods of history, for example, he stated that for a woman to show her ankles would have been considered provocative or inappropriate, but that standard has changed over the years. The preacher also alluded to certain areas in Africa to try to prove his point. He affirmed that the women go topless in those regions and the men don't even notice. Thus, he was convinced that modesty was cultural and really not that big of a deal.

Colley had an opportunity to go to Africa on a mission trip, and he had a chance to speak to some African Christian men about this very subject privately. He asked them: "Is it true that because you're around topless women all the time that you never get stimulated by it or excited? Is it true that you just don't notice it because you're always around it?" The African men began to laugh! They assured him that they were men just like he was! Although there is certainly a link between modesty and culture, no one can make a case that showing one's cleavage or breasts is modest even if a certain culture accepts it. It's simply not true!

3. Let her breasts SATISFY YOU at all times.
Proverbs 5:20 reads - "For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, and be embraced in the arms of a seductress?" You belong to your spouse! Satisfaction is to be given and received within the marriage bond. When a man and woman marry, the man believes he will be satisfied. He knows what his body desires. He believes that his sexual needs will be met. The problem is that men and women face many temptations. Prior to marriage, the devil works to bring them together sexually before they have that right. After marriage, the devil works to pull them apart sexually and cause other people and things to come between them!

Many Christian men face two monster issues on this subject: (1) They have a strong desire for sexual intimacy, and are married to a woman who may not understand that, and (2) They struggle to resist and not be overcome by sin because of all the women around them (some of whom make it difficult to remain pure). A man's wife is to be his sexual outlet. His satisfaction is to be through her.

4. Let her breasts satisfy you AT ALL TIMES.
Remember what God instructed in I Corinthians 7:5 - "Do not deprive one another [sexually] except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." A man can be sexually satisfied, but it's just like eating food--the desire comes back. Women, make it your job to keep your man satisfied. Satisfy him to protect him from the temptation of other women. It's part of your duty as his helper! You are the one perfectly suited for him in all ways.

Consider this: what happens when a man gets hungry and dinner is late? He opens the fridge and starts rummaging through it. He's wondering if there is there anything he can snack on while he waits. He's hungry! When is it that a man has the least struggle overcoming the temptations of other women or porn? When he's well fed by his wife! Is she interested in keeping his sexual gauge on full? Or, is she wanting to make it difficult for him to stay pure by depriving him of what belongs to him, intimately speaking?

This naturally leads to the question: how often should a couple come together sexually? How often is right for your marriage? Are you ready for the answer? As often as either of you want it! That's what I Corinthians 7 teaches. Your body belongs to your spouse. You don't belong to yourself. It is common, I think, in most marriages, for the man's need to be more frequent than the wife's. She must respect that!

Let me make a practical suggestion on this. Women, there are going to be times where you need to say to your husband: "Honey, I love you so much, but now is just not a good time. But 10 PM is gonna be a great time for me, mister. What do you say?" If you put it to him that way, instead of flat-out refusing him, he's going to smile and feel respected and that you want to fulfill his needs. He's got something wonderful to look forward to. However, wives, if you use this approach, do not be late! He'll be thinking about this throughout his day. He'd like to think that you are planning on this and thinking about it like he will be. Additionally, women, you must do your best to be passionate during sex. If you merely tolerate your husband's sexual drive, he will know it. He will have difficulty enjoying sex as he should if he knows your heart is not in it. Don't just let him have what belongs to him; give it to him in the best way that you possibly can.

Why would God instruct us to satisfy our spouses "at all times"? Because He's all-wise and knows what's best!

Wives, have you ever felt this way before? - "He thinks about it all the time! He never seems to get enough. When I get out of the shower, when I'm getting dressed, he can't think about anything but my body! He can't stop thinking about my body. He can't walk past me without patting me on the bottom. He's addicted!" Yes, you might say he's enraptured. He's intoxicated! And that's exactly what God expects him to be! God made him to be this way.

Wives, I suggest you learn to enjoy your man's intoxication with your body and sexual activity. Don't be self-conscious about it, celebrate it! You can fight it or enjoy it, and life will be happier if you enjoy it. Be creative and aggressive in your private intimate moments. Feed him well emotionally and sexually, and the wicked woman will not tempt him as easily. Call him at work and tell him: "Why don't you come home for a little while?" Or, "After the kids are in bed tonight, I've got plans for you mister!" A well-fed man adores his wife because she understands his intoxication with her body.

Dear listeners, are you enjoying satisfaction in your marriage, sexually speaking? Is your spouse? You have a duty to your mate. Do your best to fulfill it and enjoy the gift God has reserved exclusively for married folks--sex.

Thank you for listening, and may the Lord bless you as you strive to do His will.